By: Shannon Earls
11/12/24
Let's talk about living single! Some may view being single as a curse, and some may enjoy being single. For some, being single isn’t always easy when the people around you are getting married and seem to be living wonderful lives with their spouses. Alot of times in our singleness, we may feel unworthy, or that we are not enough. We begin to question our own worthiness. This can lead to feelings of sadness while decreasing our self-esteem.
Surviving a season of singleness does not have for be sad and depressing. It’s actually an opportunity to explore new things and discover your own purpose. The first step to survive a season of singleness is to develop a D.A.R.E mindset. The acronym D.A.R.E stands for developing a positive mindset, accomplishing your goals and dreams, release past traumas and unforgiveness, and elevate yourself. Let’s explore a little bit more about adopting the D.A.R.E mindset.
The “D” stands for developing a positive mindset. Mindset can be described as a set of beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world around us. Our mindset can influence our attitudes, beliefs, and our outlook on our lives. Singleness can be a lonely journey. Our mindset can become distorted with unhealthy thoughts that lead us to believe we’ll never find our soul mate. The most common belief or mindset that we acquire while in our season of singleness is that we are not good enough. In Ephesians 2:10, it talks about how we are the masterpiece that God has created. Everyone has unique gifts and features. Our uniqueness is what makes us special and set apart from everyone else.
Another common belief is that we are wasting time. One thing that’s for certain is time does not wait on anyone, however, while we’re in our season of singleness, the question is what are we doing with our time? Are you having a pity party while asking God, why me? Or are you following your passion? Instead of feeling self-pity, find joy in things you enjoy doing. Get creative and start something new. In your season of singleness pray and ask God to give you guidance and clarity.
Another unhealthy belief we may adopt is viewing others' relationships, thinking that our relationship will be just like theirs. I knew of a woman who had the perfect marriage. She had a good husband who worked and supported her and their children. They had a beautiful home they had built together. In my eyes, they had the perfect marriage. A few years later things would change. Her husband began hanging out more with his friends rather than spending time with his family. He began seeking out other women behind her back. They would eventually divorce, and the family unit became divided leaving her confused and devastated. I always thought that this would to happen to me. I would build a perfect life with someone for them to just leave me for someone else. The truth of the matter is is not everyone’s relationship is the same. Viewing others' relationships and thinking that yours will end up the same way is unhealthy and distorted thinking. While you're in your season of singleness, it’s important to develop self-awareness. Become familiar with your likes and dislikes. Cultivating boundaries is also a good tool to practice. Knowing your limits and what you will and will not tolerate will save you some tears and heartache in the long run.
The “ A” stands for accomplish your goals. While in your season of singleness, it is beneficial to create some goals! Go after your dreams. This summer I went on a mission to chase waterfalls. Water has always brought me peace, and listening to the falling water sounds refreshing. Traveling to different states and countries opened my eyes to experience different cultures.
The “R” stands for release past traumas. Past traumatic experiences can lead to physical and emotional distress. Trauma can leave emotional scars that can run deep in our lives. Forgiveness of others is crucial when it comes to healing from our past. Although forgiveness is not easy, forgiving others allows us to release the bitterness and anger that we hold on to. The most important person to forgive is ourselves. We all have done some things that we’re not proud of in the past. Just as it is imperative to forgive others, forgiving ourselves is equally important. Forgiveness for our past mistakes releases guilt and shame and brings inner peace. Just remember that no matter the trauma you have experienced, YOU ARE NOT YOUR TRAUMA!
Last but not least, the “E” stands for elevate yourself. While in a season of singleness, it is a perfect time to elevate yourself by setting goals and being intentional with your time. Setting goals can help improve our mental health and well-being. Think about what you would like your life to look like in five years. Write down at least ten goals that will help you get to where you would like to be in five years. Once you’ve written down your goals, create at least three action steps to get to that specific goal. Being intentional with our time helps us to stay focused on what’s important to us while giving us the confidence to make good decisions to improve our lives.
Being in a a season of singleness does is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it can be a time of adventure, exploration, and freedom. This is a time for self-discovery and personal growth which can benefit your mental health. It allows for a sense of freedom and an opportunity to pursue your passions. If you find yourself struggling through your single season, seek guidance through prayer. Ask God for guidance and clarity. Take this time to be your own best friend!
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